No Regrets

A few months ago, I made one of the best decisions of my life and got caught up in the hype of Attack on Titan (absolutely amazing anime, 230/10 recommend). One of the OVA's (basically a side episode) was centered around perhaps one of the most bad*** side characters of all time, Levi Ackermann. The title of that OVA was "No Regrets" which, as you might have noticed, is what I decided to name this blog post. And before I proceed, I'd like shame on you if you haven't watched Attack on Titan at this point. Go watch it, because I'm about to drop some spoilers. You might need to know a little bit about the show to understand some of the stuff I'm saying.

There is literally no way to hate this man

"No Regrets" centers around his prior pastime as an underground criminal, before he became the booty-kicking beyblade side-protagonist that we know in the main show. It details Levi's relationships with his two closest friends and how they each aspire to gain passage to the upper world (they were literally underground: the area they were living in, Wall Sina, had an above-ground and underground city, with the underground basically being the place where the poor lived in squalor). One day, they receive a mission from a notable person in the government: kill Erwin Smith (a notable member of the Scout Regiment who the government official disliked), and destroy a letter that Erwin had written. The reward upon completion would be what the three had been working towards: passage to the upper world.

And so, the three set about to complete this task, and eventually manage to engage Erwin and the Scouts. They are defeated, but Erwin notices their incredible skill with ODM gear (the gear that was normally used to try and kill Titans; the three had mastered the gear without formal training) and decides to offer the three an opportunity to join the Scouts instead of facing punishment. The three take him up on his offer, knowing this would give them more opportunities to fulfill their mission. Long story short, the Scouts go on a mission outside the walls and Levi loses his two closest friends. One has had his lower half devoured. He finds the head of the other one lying on the ground. Levi is enraged, and after obliterating the Titan, sees Erwin riding up to him. He tries to kill him, but Erwin stops him and reveals he knew of the plan all along. Levi is emotionally broken, but Erwin tells him to pick himself up and stop moping because he will be filled with regrets. Once he is filled with regrets, he will be broken in every way possible.

And so, Levi resolves to never regret the choice he made that day in joining the Scouts, one that ended up leading to the deaths of his closest friends. The point of me basically spoiling the entire OVA was because this was perhaps the most important thing I learned throughout high school. You never fully know how things will turn out (this was perhaps reinforced in my experiences with college decisions). When making decisions, there is no guarantee that things will play out the way you think they will. As Levi put it (this quote is from the main show, not the OVA; translation from Japanese may vary), "No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can, choose whatever you'll regret the least." In the moment, we don't have the foresight to make the right choice every time. All we can do is try our best and make the choice that we think we'll regret the least, and after we see the outcome, do our best to make sure that we don't regret the past decision.

I've made questionable choices in the past, but I know that what's in the past is done. I can't change it, but I can make sure that those choices mean something. If they mean something, then it's something I'll be able to look back on without regret because it's helped bring me to where I am today. The aforementioned Erwin noted in the show that the deaths that the Scouts died in the moment didn't mean anything, but the actions of the Scouts afterwards would give meaning to the previous deaths, whatever it might be. I'll make this more realistic to most of our lives and say that our present decisions and attitudes give our past decisions meaning. Will I mope around in regret, allowing the wrong choices I made in the past meaningless? Or will I look back, recognizing the errors and learning from them in the present, thereby giving those poor choices meaning? Living with regrets is to live without meaning, and even though we all make plenty of mistakes, it's still up to us to be able to make those mistakes without regrets and turn those mistakes into something meaningful. This wasn't necessarily something I learned directly in the classroom, but it manifests itself everywhere I go, with every step I take, with every choice I make. It's up to me to make sure that I have no regrets. Just like how I have no regrets about writing this at 2:30 in the morning.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hh8qaajIXk

I promise you will have no regrets about watching this video